The
Journal.

For years, I believed isolation was the key to getting things done.

Tunnel vision. Sitting alone in a dark room. Working until I figured everything out.

And although that method worked for me for many years, it also became a form of torment. It was productive, but unhealthy in the long run.

Since being in China, I’ve started spending more time outside. Connecting with people. Exploring new places. Observing how others live and create.

And I’ve realized that the world gives me energy.

When I feel blocked, stepping outside inspires me. Something I see, a conversation I have, or simply being surrounded by life can unlock the exact part of me that needs to grow, build and create.

The other day, while running on the treadmill, I realized how often I look at the clock, waiting for the workout to end.

And then I realized I do the same thing in life.

When will it finally be my time? When will this season be over? When will everything I’ve been building finally come together?

But constantly watching the time does not make the process move any faster. It only keeps me focused on how long it’s taking instead of who I’m becoming along the way.

That day, I allowed myself to be stretched. I ran in intervals. I kept going, kept learning and kept building my endurance.

Eventually, I ran for 15 minutes straight without looking at the clock.

The last few days have been intense. Some moments have felt so overwhelming that I have wondered, What is happening around me?

But instead of allowing what is happening outside of me to control what is happening within me, I have gone directly into prayer, meditation, worship, and the Word.

They bring me back to God.

There was a time when stress made me want to go out, have a drink, or seek comfort in another person. I was looking for something outside of myself to help me escape what I was feeling.

Now, I bring everything to God.

When I experience conflict, confusion, disappointment, or fear, I take it to Him. He gives me clarity and understanding.

Some days are harder than others. But even through suffering, I can still find joy and peace because I can see the growth taking place within me.

That is what makes the experience beautiful.

It is painful, but He is stretching me.

Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I had received everything I wanted when I first came to Guangzhou. I probably would have continued doing exactly what I had always done. I would not have had these experiences or fallen in love with the things I now want to share with the world.

There is no growth in comfort.